It is so cold here already! This morning when I took the temperature it was -18 Celsius! That was at about 8:30. I walk less than 2 minutes from my apartment to the school and I get the nose crystals that we get in January/February. Ganaa, my cleaning lady, has been teaching me about how to get through the Mongolian winter. While the beaver fur mittens my mom sent me are good, she says I will need to wear a pair of gloves in addition to them when it REALLY turns winter here. I will also have to wear two hats. She looked at my touques and said that they are knitted and need an extra layer. She also told me you eventually won't see anyone's face as the clothes get closer and closer to their eyes.

My students and I are steadily practicing the play we are going to perform for the Winter Festival. This is a (fuzzy) photo Oko took of us during rehearsal in the gym. That's Doogie and I in the background, if you couldn't tell. And yes, that's all my 25 students. Actually, Chandmani was not there that day, so only 24. I think because I had rehearsal first thing this morning I feel as though I've been running around screaming all day, so home is a nice place to be.

My eyes are still terribly sore all the time. I have an opthomolagist (did I spell that right?)appointment next week. I will have to miss a bit of school, but it will be when ESL is conducted so Doogie will only have to deal with about 8 students. I feel weird about having to miss school for something that I had hoped could be scheduled around my class day, but Oko has assured me there is no other time. She said "I know Doogie can handle it." I wasn't worried about that, I just felt strange missing school for a personal reason.

This is a picture of the Harvest Moon I saw on Sunday night. And, that is my breath that has managed to fog up the view, it was that cold! I didn't even realize I was ruining the picture. Some of the other teachers went back in to put on more layers. I'm not sure how prepared we are for this. We say, "Oh, yeah, were Canadians, eh?" I've never really experienced cold like this, even in Leadville, CO.

I just experienced the craziest and scariest bus ride, ever. The driver was obviously in some sort of hurry because he was most definately speeding. At one stop he basically slowed down long enough for people to get off but closed the door on those struggling to get in. He was driving away with people half-in, half-out of the bus. They were desperately running alongside the bus. Three small boys managed to make it on but the rest were left to the wayside. When I got off at my stop, another bus was heading into town. It, again, slowed down enough to let a few people off but took off quickly. It left a trail of disappointed passengers running along behind. It makes me wonder who on earth gave these people licence's to drive? I've had some pretty strange bus rides here, but that one has to take the cake.

Another day I was just sitting in my seat, minding my own business when this woman came and sat on my shoulder. I pushed her off and she moved away, but I've never seen anyone do that before to someone they did not know. I also have had to get used to random people pushing me. Now, I push back. Them pushing me off the bus and causing me to stumble does not get anyone off any faster. One woman noticed I was beginning to get up and literally hauled me out of the seat by my leg.

My class today gave me a headache. They were unusually noisy and kept interrupting me to tell me stories. I think they had a lot of stuff to tell me after those two half days and the long weekend. I had to yell at them a bit today, which they know I hate having to do, but they weren't listening! I explained the math lesson three or four times and they still were coming up asking the same things over and over again. I had to stop the entire class and finally get them to stop talking so they could hear the instructions. One of the students told me everyone had ants in their pants. I had to agree!

The dust and construction around my apartment are really taking their toll on my eyes. They are red and hurt all the time. It would appear that no amount of eyedrops will help. I wake up every morning with red, swollen eyes and a crust around them indicating the work being done while I sleep. Oko, the school manager, has recommended an eye doctor for me to see. Apparently there was a teacher here last year who had the same problem and going to the doctor helped. I feel like I need an emergency eye wash station at my personal disposal. Last night Terry helped me get some things out of them with a Q-tip. There is a coating of dust all over my apartment and the water here has too many chemicals in it to help any. In fact, it makes them worse.

I finally agreed to go out to dinner with everyone tonight. We'll see how it goes. I've been somewhat in hibernation mode, feeling a little out of sorts with my friendships and dynamics. I'm not bored or lonely. Quite the opposite in fact. Well, maybe a bit lonely. I miss real tv and real food, mostly. Sometimes I dream about food, good food, like calamari and seafood, a nice steak done on the barbeque. Those types of things.

Tomorrow is Mongolian independence day and a day off from school for us. I plan on going to buy movies, getting a massage, and eating a Caesar salad. Big plans!

I finished my parent-teacher interviews. Wow, such questions! Can we change the hours of the school day? Can we do this? Can I not send the children home with their text book but photocopies instead? I am grateful for the insight into some of my students, but some parents seemed truly disappointed. It hurts, really. Those of you who are teachers and have seen them struggling know what I'm saying. There really is no sugar coating it. I did my best to make recommendations, but when it comes to listening and focusing in class, that's up to them. I can only prod them so much. I also have expressed my discomfort with the "home teacher" as they tend to do the work for the student and when it comes to test time they have no real comprehension of what's been happening.

I've been undergoing alot of deep thinking lately. I have realized that I dont need anyone to tell me about stuff that happened over a year and a half ago. I know. While others put their success into other's hands, I tend to take it in my own. Belive me, I have more than beat myself up over things that have happened and I wish I could take back. I think I've punished myself enough. I have hurt myself more than anyone could even imagine. So, if you think of me, think of the girl who fought for Mongolia. I may have left, but nothing has left me. While you are all sleeping soundly, know that my demons haunt me.

I had my first ever parent-teacher conferences today. Apparently, today was easy, the tough ones are tomorrow. I have to admit that I was surprised at how many parents did want to come. I tackled 10 today and I think more tomorrow. You get so tired! They only last about 10-15 minutes but all that talking about such important things, compared to the gibber-jabber I do all the rest of the day, is exhausting. Thus far, most of the parents have been able to speak English well enough. I still get bored and a bit jealous when Doogie talks so much and I have no clue as to what they are discussing. I have been doing my best to maintain my professionalism, but that's not what the parents actually want. They want me to be real and honest. I began to loosen up a bit after the first few and we managed to have a few laughs too. I got to tell Tergelbold's grandmother how all the girls in the class want to marry him. I also got to give some insider information to some parents, which I made promise they did not divulge. If I'm not a safe haven in the port of life, as I've often heard classrooms and teachers refered to, then I'm not doing my job properly.

I have been having many discussions lately about me, and who I am. It would seem my self view is a bit skewed. What I perceive is not what others see. This is disheartening, and I'm feeling disillusioned. I have had people lash out in anger at me and have actually grown accustomed to it. I never manage to live up to whatever ideal others have set for me. Heck, I barely manage to meet my own. I'm beginning to wonder what really counts in life. Is it my own reflection I see back in the mirror and can live with or it is how others see me? I realize I have made probably more than my fair share of mistakes, but haven't we all? I guess I never realized how my growing pains had such an effect on others. I was so hell bent on learning and discovering for myself, I felt that was the only way! Perhaps I have tried so hard in my way to be free, that I have made aliens of those who would truly be mine. Then I think about all the friends I have made over the course of my life. Am I disillusional? Once again, I dunno. I have been described as passionate, spontanieous, and lively. But do any of these people really know me?

It is official, Mr. Mark is resigned and a new principal is going to join us in the new year. I had already decided to stay another year, loving my job as I do, however with the new principal I will have to see. He is Canadian and from British Columbia, which bodes well, I hope. Like I taught my kids, knock on wood and keep your fingers crossed.

Apparently the staff here wants to hold a Christmas fest here before we all leave for our prospective vacations. I was a little annoyed to hear that many are hoping for a "hall party" and my floor is one that has been nominated for such an occurance. I'm sorry, am I still in University? Is this an official Floor Crawl? I want to be able to go to bed at will, and we are already much aware of how things in the hallway are easily transmitted through to apartments. Plus, what if I'm one of the ones keeping others up? It's a no win situation as far as I can see. Am I the only one that this strikes as absurd?

I am still hibernating and watching nothing but National Geographic, but a bit of the "B" movie channel. I see people I know sometimes, it's fun. The joy of going to a school that had a good film department.

As for my dreams, they are still strange. I think I may be worried about forgetting something, as I continually dream about searching for things I have lost. I have no clear idea about what I am looking for, but during my search I find other things I have misplaced and soon discover I cannot carry all the things I refound. Then I get angry at others around who will not help me in what I truly am looking for, though I don't know exactly myself. I only know that when I see it, that's it. I have variations on this dream, sometimes I have to get on a ski lift to meet the person who has my things and I refuse. Other times, one of my students has it and won't admit to taking it. I also have been begining to sense the first stages to teeth grinding on me. I sit with teeth clenched. Am I destined to be unable to deal, or tell others my unhappiness, that I have to grind my teeth? Who grinds their teeth, really? Does it have to do with something that's uncontrollable but you still wish you could control? I can tell you my jaw is clenched most of the time I'm not working. Am I working through things and what is unfinished visits me in my dreams? I have not had an unfitful bout of sleep for over two weeks. My teaching partner, Doogie, blames it on personal experiences, food, and the elevation.

The weeks just seem to fly by now! I have taught the kids all about "hump day" and TGIF! I also have taught them something my mom used to say when I was a child. I often have hands raised up to answer questions. When called upon I quite frequently get the response "I forgot." So, I told them, after hearing it from mom so many times, that it must have been a lie. We talked about some riddles today, like what's black and white and read all over? In this riddle we have discovered a new homophone! Read and red.

I successfully got out my first ever report cards. While they were somewhat repetitive, they were also tactful, honest and true. I now have to hurdle parent-teacher conferences on Thursday and Friday. The students will all be let out early those days and I will run the gauntlet! I'm not worried, as I have suggestions for those who are not doing well. It does break your heart to see such good kids struggle.

I must officially be going crazy! I went shopping yesterday and lost an entire bag of groceries! Plus, I slept badly Saturday night and decided to have a nap on Sunday. I woke up a few times and looked at the clock. I thought to myself that I still had plenty of time to make it for my weekly massage, but wondered why it was so dark out all the time. Finally, when the clock read 1:30 and it was pitch black I looked at my very expensive alarm clock (my cell phone) and saw it was now officially Monday morning. I was so confused. How did this happen? Where did Sunday go? I told some of the other teachers I was hibernating right now, but I didn't mean literally!

We have the Winter Festival coming up and my students have decided they would like to put on a play. After much consideration we have decided to put on the production titled "Spiderman and Santa Clause Rescue Christmas!" I wrote the play and had to make a few short cuts. I needed to have a narrator to cut down on the amount of lines the actors had to memorize and explain things. I also am going to have to scrimp on time, so it's very to the point. Tomorrow will be out first dry run, we'll see how it goes!

On the plus side, due to the fact the principal has officially resigned, I have requested a letter of reference. He came today to observe me and my class. I was nervous, but he had nothing but glowing things to say. I was so very pleased! He liked my methods and even stated I managed to make Grammar fun! How nice! He also noticed a book on Doogie's desk, "What to Expect When You're Expecing." All he said to her was, "Interesting choice of books, Doogie." She's been keeping it a secret for now but the school nurse, Mrs. Konopaski, is not. She mentioned to me how all the kids are so excited for her. I mentioned how the kids have renewed their quest for me to get married and have a baby in my tummy. Initally, they wanted me to marry Mr. Carr, but I had to explain that he was married to Mrs. Carr. Then they moved on to Mr. Mark, the 70 year old principal. Luckily, he is married as well. Now, apparently, I'm destined to marry Mr. Wheeler, the 24 year old science teacher. The student's constantly ask my age, even though I've told them many times, and tell me I'd better hurry up! I tell them there's no rush. Discussion like this though has made me ponder my marriagability. Maybe I just don't share very well, maybe I am too independent. I keep hearing that some wonderful man is going to come along and sweep me off my feet. Do I want to be "taken down?" I dunno.

As I haven't been feeling up to snuff as of late, I decided to have a pamper day. I went to "Charming Beauty" for some waxing. I went in only for an underarm and eyebrow and came out with a half-leg and bikini too. The girl did a great job, unlike the last time I went. She was pretty into the bikini and was waxing, trimming and plucking for quite some time. After she was done she took a hand mirror out and showed me! I murmured it was fine. One thing I have gotten used to here is the fact that most people are probably going to see me naked before I leave.

Then I hightailed it to "UB Massage" and had a half hour body scrub and an hour massage. The scrub was incredible. Again, I'm standing there fully naked and they throw bowls of hot water all over you. They scrub you three times each side and scrub your hair and scalp too. I am definately exfoliated! The massage is the same as I had before. The girl comes in and covers you with hot towels to relax your muscles. Then, she walks on your back, arms, legs, and feet. She uses hot oil to massage you. It is very relaxing. Well, for me it is. Some people prefer the kind of massage where you can barely feel it but I like it rough! The girls whack and thump you. I have some "rug burn" on my elbow from the exfoliation, but it's worth it. In total today I spent about $60 on myself. Not bad for all that, I think.

Of course, the discourse turns to school. We have report cards coming up this week, so I'll be a bit more busy but I don't anticipate it being too much of a headache. My primary grades use levels rather than grades and comments. Plus, it's only the first term reports.

I am still cloistered with my tv channels. I get two. One is National Geographic, which I don't mind but they repeat shows every four hours. The second is this terrible movie channel that shows only 'B' movies with too many commercial interruptions. I don't mind that they are in a different language. I'm used to being surrounded by Mongolian, and the sound of it has become actually quite comforting to me. It's the fact that they are so much louder than the movie! They blare on with their crazy going ons and really startle you.

It's getting colder and colder at night. The days are actually quite nice. I liken it to Colorado where it is sunny all day and cheerful. It's the night times that get you. It is dark and very cold. It is snowing a bit tonight. I also have to get used to the idea that you back home are now 13 hours time difference. Mongolia does not observe daylight savings so when you fell back, we stayed the same.